The Sandman Cometh
Copyright © 2002 by Edward J. Thomas, all rights reserved
Original Production
By Heartlande Theatre Play-by-Play
June 19, 2004
Directed by Alexandra Berardi
Original Cast
MAGGIE - female, early 30's - Johnene Barr
SANDY - male, any age - David Pernick
SYNOPSIS
Comedy
1 man, 1 woman
Maggie just wanted to relax with a book, but an intruder throws her night - and perspective - off track.
MAGGIE
Well, if that job has anything to do with robbing me blind, you’d be better off downstairs. There are things down there that are easy to carry and you can just have them if you leave me alone.
SANDY
Actually, my job has to do with you being in bed…
(She takes a swing at him and he ducks)
MAGGIE
(Swinging again)
Pervert!
(She continues swinging. SANDY keeps dodging but makes no aggressive moves)
Just because I didn’t bring a man home tonight, it doesn’t mean I want anything from you! Now get out of my house!
SANDY
Okay, if you let yourself get this excited you’re never going to get to sleep.
MAGGIE
I’m not tired!
SANDY
Well, damn it, why not?
MAGGIE
Apart from being all worked up about you being here? Well, I… Wait a minute! I’m not explaining anything to you! Now get out!
SANDY
I will as soon as you get to bed. Now come on, I’ve got a lot of other houses to get to.
MAGGIE
I’m sure they’d all thank me if they knew.
SANDY
Look, Maggie, you’ve got this whole situation completely wrong.
MAGGIE
And how’s tha… Hey, how’d you know my name?
SANDY
Good, that got your attention. Maybe you’ll listen to me now.
MAGGIE
Trust me, you’ve had my undivided attention since you showed up.
SANDY
Alright then. Now, to alleviate your fears, I’m not an intruder, a burglar or a prowler.
MAGGIE
Somehow my fears aren’t alleviated.
SANDY
I suppose I can understand that.
MAGGIE
So what the hell are you doing here? What’s this job of yours you keep talking about?
SANDY
I’m a professional sandman.
MAGGIE
A what?
SANDY
A sandman.
MAGGIE
I’m sorry, you’re The Sandman? You mean like “Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream?”
SANDY
Well, first, we don’t bring dreams. That’s your own subconscious. Second, I hate being called Mr. Sandman. Call me Sandy. And third, I’m not “the” sandman. That implies that I’m the only one.
MAGGIE
You’re not?
SANDY
No, not even close. I’m only assigned to this neighborhood. There are thousands of us all over the world.
MAGGIE
Okay, let me get this straight…
SANDY
Alright.
MAGGIE
You claim to be some fictional fairy creature who comes into my room every night, but who I never see. Right?
SANDY
Not quite.
MAGGIE
Well by all means, enlighten me.
(Puts shoe on table and sits on bed)
SANDY
I’m not fictional, as you can see, and I’m not a fairy creature. They don’t officially exist.
MAGGIE
(Fake enthusiasm)
Really?
SANDY
Really. I mean, yeah, they exist. But not officially.
