The Rehearsal?
Copyright (c) 2010 by Edward J. Thomas, all rights reserved
CAST OF CHARACTERS
FAMINE
PESTILENCE
WAR
DEATH
SYNOPSIS
Comedy
1 man, 3 either gender
Everyone needs to practice, even the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
WAR
(To FAMINE)
Late again, eh soldier?
FAMINE
What are you talking about? I was here before you were.
WAR
I didn’t see you when I got here, so you’re late. I want twenty pushups!
FAMINE
And I want to have lunch! It’s nice to want things, isn’t it?
WAR
Both of you are being rather defiant today. I’m very disappointed in you. But there’s plenty of time to yell at you later. I’d rather get started with a major announcement. This will be no ordinary riding practice.
PESTILENCE
You mean Death is actually going to show up?
WAR
As a matter of fact, yes. He promised he’d be here. But that’s not what I meant. I have just received word that Showtime is imminent. This will be our last riding practice before the real thing.
PESTILENCE
The Apocalypse? It’s finally coming?
WAR
That’s right! So I want you in top shape! Follow orders! No messing around, and no mistakes! This is go time, people! Am I understood?
FAMINE
(Saluting)
Yes, sir!
(PESTILENCE also salutes while holding her aching back. At this moment DEATH approaches)
DEATH
Sorry I’m late.
PESTILENCE
No you’re not.
DEATH
I’m not late? Wow, that’s a first! I guess I’ll come back later, then.
(He starts to leave)
WAR
Stay right where you are, soldier! You’re not going anywhere! You’ve already missed the last three practices!
DEATH
What’s the big deal? We ride around, scare some people, then the world comes to an end. I could do this in my sleep.
PESTILENCE
Can you forget the apathy this time, Death? This is an important practice!
FAMINE
The end is near. We’re about to do this for real.
DEATH
What? Are you kidding? Don’t you think I’d know if the world was about to end? It’d be all over my appointment book. Where did you hear this?
(FAMINE and PESITLENCE point at WAR)
War? Why would you tell them that? You know it’s not time yet.
WAR
I was in the front office and they let it slip that the Apocalypse is set for the end of the month. It should show up in your book sometime this week.
DEATH
You… You’re not kidding, are you?
WAR
You know I don’t kid. I’d need a sense of humor.
DEATH
(Trying not to panic)
But that means I’ll… I’ll have to ride… ride my…
PESTILENCE
Hey, where are the horses?
WAR
Good eye, soldier.
PESTILENCE
Not really. It’s got a cataract and –
