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Slow Getaway
Copyright © 1994 by Edward J. Thomas, all rights reserved
Original Production
By Grosse Pointe Theatre Workshop Program
October 1995
Directed by Ed Thomas
Original Cast
PETER – Bob Battaglia
JASON – Brian Cressman
ANGELA – Kathleen Lietz
JOAN – Shirley Shepard
Original Cast as a Full-Length (Oct-Nov 2003 by Broadway Onstage Live Theatre)
PETER – Demetris Taylor
JASON – Christopher Oakley
ANGELA – Julie Brock
JOAN – Karen Minard
SYNOPSIS
Comedy
2 men, 2 women
After pulling off a perfectly executed bank heist in Nebraska, two theives have slowly made their way to the east coast on their way to Europe. They're just missing one thing -- the loot, which they left in the hotel lobby.
PETER
Don’t be so glum. Come on, we’re home free. We slipped in and out of that bank without the alarm even knowing we were there. We snatched a handsome amount of money and we were out of there. But not before I reconnected the security system.
JASON
Why did you do that, anyway? It wasted five minutes!
PETER
Covering our steps, my boy! It may have taken five minutes, but it gave us more time in the long run.
JASON
And how’s that?
PETER
Think, Jason! If I hadn’t done it, they would have known that the security system had been tampered with. And if they didn’t notice that the main power box had been tampered with, it wouldn’t have been long until they noticed that the cameras weren’t on. But this way, when they came in to work the next morning, everything seemed to be fine. The two major differences being that the security videos from the cameras would be missing some footage, and the fact that a large chunk of money was missing. By the time they realized what had happened, we were well out of the state.
JASON
In a car. Why did we have to drive, anyway? It took three days to get here.
PETER
Because it is very difficult to sneak a sack full of money through an airport. Besides, no one knew the money was gone. No one would suspect we’d drive it out. Everything went perfectly. You were terrific.
JASON
No I wasn’t. I almost got us caught. Remember? When we were pulled over in Pennsylvania?
PETER
I told you that you were going too fast.
JASON
I know.
PETER
And by driving too fast you broke my number one rule of being a successful criminal. Would you care to state this rule?
JASON
(Raises his hand as if taking an oath)
Never, under any circumstances, should you ever break any law anywhere in the vicinity of a donut shop.
PETER
That’s right. Why do you think so many banks are built next to them? But you were calm, you answered all of the policeman’s questions courteously. You gave no hint of any kind that you had anything to hide.
JASON
And then you faked a heart attack.
PETER
You thought I was faking? I thought I was going to die! Of course, it turned out to be just a gas bubble. But it was a monster of a gas bubble!
JASON
And the next day we made it to New York.
PETER
Unfortunately, the traffic kept us from getting to this hotel the same day we arrived. Well, it seemed like the next day, anyway.
JASON
It wasn’t that bad, Mr. P.
(Sudden thought)
Hey! Where did you want me to put the money?
PETER
That depends. Where is it now?
JASON
What do you mean, where is it? It’s right…
(Looks around desperately)
It’s… um, I mean…
PETER
(Leaping at him)
You lost it? How the hell could you lose it? Where did you see it last?
JASON
(Nervously trying to think)
Well… I brought it in from the car…
PETER
I know that, dumb-ass!
JASON
Alright! Alright! We came into the hotel… That’s it!
PETER
What’s it? What?
JASON
I put it down when we checked in.
PETER
You didn’t give it to the porter?
JASON
Would you hand over all that money to someone you didn’t know?
PETER
Apparently, I did.
JASON
What?
PETER
Nothing. Look, are you saying that you left it in the lobby?
JASON
Well, yeah, I guess I did.
