Questions Asked While in the Dark
Copyright © 2004 by Edward J. Thomas, all rights reserved
CHARACTERS
DREW
PAT
SYNOPSIS
Comedy
2 characters, either gender
Two friends discuss the pros and cons of the violent action movie they are watching. And it seems that what is pro and what is con depends on who you ask.
PAT
How the hell did I let you drag me to this thing?
DREW
What are you talking about? This movie has everything! Action, excitement, sex, blood, guns… what else could you want?
PAT
I don’t know. Maybe a plot. A plot would be nice.
DREW
What? It has a plot! Haven’t you been paying attention?
PAT
I’ve tried to pay attention, but I think I’m paying too much.
DREW
Max Revolver is just a simple, humble grocery store bagger, who happens to have extensive Marine Corps training, and is a registered Green Beret.
PAT
I always thought the Green Berets were from the Army for some reason…
DREW
(Continuing unabated)
And when evil power monger Nikolai Deathwalker kidnaps his daughter, it’s up to Max to get her back. It’s a classic plot.
PAT
So classic they use it again and again.
DREW
It’s a great movie!
PAT
Uh huh. Remind me again, why are we rooting for a mass murderer?
DREW
Weren’t you listening? He’s not a mass murderer, he’s a simple, humble grocery store bagger…
PAT
Yeah, yeah, who has extensive training, blah, blah, blah. But he’s killed, what, at least 80 people so far.
DREW
I told you! They kidnapped his daughter!
PAT
All of them? I only saw a couple guys take her.
DREW
Under orders from Nikolai Deathwalker.
PAT
Right. So what’s his problem with everyone else? Hell, that last guy I think only heard of that Deathstalker guy, and had nothing to do with it.
DREW
It’s Deathwalker. And what would you do if your daughter was kidnapped?
PAT
I’d call the cops. Where are they here?
DREW
They wouldn’t be of any help.
PAT
Are you sure? Was that established? I think they’d do a hell of a job.
DREW
Maybe. But it would’ve taken too long. They’d have to do an investigation, and there’d be negotiations… by then the girl would be dead. Besides, you can’t negotiate with Nikolai Deathwalker.
PAT
Of course. So what state does this take place in?
DREW
What does that have to do with anything?
PAT
I’d like to know what state has the death penalty for kidnapping. And allows just any idiot off the street – or grocery store – to dish it out.
DREW
It’s not like that.
PAT
Yes, it is! Look, he just shot someone else that had nothing to do with it.
DREW
He did, too! He worked for Nikolai. Max had every right to shoot him.
PAT
Oh, so because he works for an evil guy, he deserves to die?
DREW
More or less, yeah.
PAT
So let’s say you’re at work, just sitting there at your desk. All of a sudden, some nut with a bunch of guns barges in and starts shooting up the place. You manage to ask him why he’s doing this, and he says that your boss…
DREW
Mr. Lewanstein?
PAT
Yeah, Mr. Lewanstein. The nut says that he left the scene of an accident or jaywalked or something, so now he, and everyone who works for him, deserves to die. You’re saying he could kill you and it would be justified?
DREW
That’s different! In that scenario, I didn’t know Mr. Lewanstein would do something like that. But everyone knows who Nikolai Deathwalker is. If that guy worked for him, he knew what he was getting into.
PAT
How do you know that? What if he’s just earning a paycheck? Huh? You know, maybe he’s out of work, needs to pay the bills, and sees an ad in the paper. “Wanted: security guard for large corporation. Paid training and vacation. Medical, dental. Send resume to Nikolai Deathwalker.”
DREW
Or one of his subordinates.
PAT
Or them. Anyway, this guy sees it as just another job. Something that’ll feed him or help get him through school. And what happens? Some lunatic comes and shoots him in the head.
