Parrots of the Caribbean
Copyright (c) 2006 by Edward J. Thomas, all rights reserved
Original Production
By StarBrite Theatrical Productions
January 26 - March 24, 2007
Directed by Randy Magner
Original Cast
SALTY DOG - Frank Stevens
MINT JULEP - Claire Shinkman
RUSTY NAIL - Wayne A. Bibbs
BRANDY ALEXANDER - Vanessa Grayson
PINK LADY - Diane L. Young
CAPT. JACK SWALLOW - Michael Lane
SYNOPSIS
Comedy/Murder Mystery
3 men, 3 women
It's a murder mystery based on the Pirates of the Caribbean movies and Jimmy Buffett's music, without showing even the vaguest similarity to either. Several people meet at a bar in the Caribbean, and one of them dies. Was it the pirate, or was it one of the other greedy people looking for his gold?
SALTY
Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to the legendary Cap’n Jack Swallow.
JACK
Captain Jack Swallow? I’ve heard of him.
SALTY
Aye. He’s you.
JACK
Ah, yes. I Heard I Was in Town.
(He moves back to the bar)
MINT
(Approaching JACK)
Interesting name, sugah.
JACK
I like it. Don’t tell anyone, but it’s not me real name.
MINT
What’s your real name?
RUSTY
I bet it’s Daniels.
JACK
Jack Daniels? What kind of bloody awful name is that? Me real name is Trepkanpanowski.
(He grabs a bottle and glass from the bar)
But Jack Trepkanpanowski don’t sound good for a pirate.
SALTY
I can understand. I changed me name, too.
BRANDY
So what’s your real name?
SALTY
Arrrrvid.
BRANDY
Oh.
SALTY
Arr.
MINT
(To JACK)
So how did you pick Swallow for a name?
(JACK ignores the glass and drinks the entire contents of the bottle)
MINT (Cont’d)
Oh. That’s why. Well, you’re not the only one here that’s been called “swallow.”
(Indicating a male audience member)
Why, he called me that last night.
(To a female audience member close to the male one)
Ah assume it’s because Ah can sing like a bird.
RUSTY
So what was all that about?
JACK
All what?
RUSTY
The revenge talk. What was that?
JACK
That was a couple of minutes ago.
(Tries to remember)
I was… I was just confused is all.
(He looks for something else to drink)
RUSTY
But Salty said something about bringing someone back. I think I heard him say that.
BRANDY
I think I heard it, too.
RUSTY
See? He said it.
BRANDY
Unless we both imagined it.
RUSTY
How could we both have imagined it?
BRANDY
Maybe we’re both on the same wavelength.
RUSTY
Maybe…
(Shakes it off)
But I Don’t Know and I Don’t Care.
(To JACK)
Why are you trying to take revenge on us? What did we do?
JACK
I don’t know if you’ve done anything. But you might’ve.
RUSTY
What’s that supposed to mean?
SALTY
Just let him alone, alright? He be in a bad way.
JACK
No, no. He wants to know, I'll tell 'im.
(Goes into the audience to try to increase sympathy from them)
I lost me best friend. Some scurvy swab murdered me best friend.
(Tears start to flow)
An’ I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye!
