Mary Chris Moss
Copyright © 2004 by Edward J. Thomas, all rights reserved
CHARACTERS
MARY CHRISTINE MOSS
CYNTHIA
RAY RAY
MUGGER
ZACHARY MOSS
BEGGAR
OFFICER EBBENS
OFFICER CROCKET
SYNOPSIS
Comedy
1 man, 2 women, 2 either sex (8 total characters)
Selfish Mary is going to find out it's better to give than to keep for yourself.
RAY RAY
Christmas presents? Do you have Christmas presents that you need to have wrapped? Only a few hours left, you know.
MARY
Oh. No, no, I’d rather just get the hell out of here, thanks.
(She turns to leave)
RAY RAY
It’s free.
(MARY stops again)
MARY
Free?
(Thinks about it)
Well, I guess I could wait a few minutes…
(She sits in an empty chair and puts her bags down between herself and RAY RAY)
RAY RAY
So what was all that about?
MARY
All what?
RAY RAY
(Pointing in the general direction of the argument)
All that.
MARY
Oh, that. I was complaining to the manager that the woman ahead of me had not only stolen an item I was looking at right out of my hand, but she cut ahead of me in line, too! And the manager had the gall to tell me that I should accept it, because that’s how it is on Christmas Eve. So much for that whole “season of giving” myth. Just proves that today is just another ordinary day on the calendar, just like I’ve always thought.
RAY RAY
You can’t lose your faith in the season just because of one jerk, can you?
MARY
Believe me, she wasn’t the only one. People were driving like maniacs out in that parking lot. It was almost as if everyone thought they were the only ones out there. No one would let me in. I found several people out there just sitting in their cars in a parking spot as if they were saving it for someone. For who? For what? All I know is I had to park way out in the middle of nowhere just so I could walk three hundred miles through slush for the honor of playing roller derby with shopping carts. I wouldn’t even be here if my usual stores hadn’t been closed early.
RAY RAY
What stores are those? I can’t imagine any stores being closed on one of the biggest shopping days of the year.
MARY
Well, they are in my part of town.
RAY RAY
Oh? And which part of town is that?
MARY
That’s rather personal, don’t you think? I don’t even know you.
RAY RAY
Oh, sorry.
(Offering her hand)
My name’s Rachel. My friends call me “Ray Ray.”
(She adjusts her nametag with her other hand)
MARY
Fascinating. What do people who don’t know you and don’t care call you?
RAY RAY
(Trying not to lose her cheerfulness)
Um, generally, I think they call me “Hey you!” But I’m not usually listening to those sorts of people.
MARY
Well then, Hey You, if you wouldn’t mind wrapping my presents, I’d like to get home before Easter.
RAY RAY
Oh, right! Sorry.
(She grabs a bag)
Let’s see what we have here.
(She reaches in and pulls out a few Santa Claus hats)
A bag full of Santa hats…
MARY
Could you wrap them individually, please? They’re all going to different people.
RAY RAY
Stocking stuffers?
MARY
No, they’re going to each of my toy stores as the head manager’s Christmas bonus. There should be eight hats there.
RAY RAY
(Pulling them out)
Yep. Eight.
MARY
I’ve also got vouchers so all of my sales associates can get hats of their own. But those don’t have to be wrapped.
RAY RAY
I see.
