Life and Death on a Park Bench
Copyright © 2003 by Edward J. Thomas, all rights reserved
Original Production
By Stagecrafters
June 18, 2005
Directed by Joyce Uzelac
Original Cast
LIFE – Vanessa Sawson
DEATH – Michael Zois
SYNOPSIS
Comedy
2 characters, either gender
Life and Death are having their weekly meeting to exchange souls for recycling. While Life just wants to get it over with -- after all, it's just another workday -- Death wants to visit for a while.
LIFE
Take pride in whatever you want, but you knew I’d be waiting here. You always know.
DEATH
Yeah, well this time it wasn’t my fault.
LIFE
Oh really?
DEATH
Really.
LIFE
So what’s your excuse, then?
DEATH
I got stopped by a traffic accident.
LIFE
Oh, well, if traffic got in your way, then I guess I can understand that.
DEATH
No, it wasn’t in my way. I just had to stop.
(LIFE looks at him. DEATH holds up his book)
DEATH (Cont’d)
Hey, when the book calls, I have to answer. Don’t worry, I’ll have those souls in next week’s batch.
LIFE
No, you may as well give them to me now.
DEATH
But I still have to process them.
LIFE
I’ll do it.
DEATH
Look, I’ve got plenty of souls for you that I’ve already processed. There should be enough to keep you busy until the ones from the accident are ready.
LIFE
Come on, I’m in a hurry. I’ve got babies coming.
DEATH
All the more reason for you to wait for them. I’ve seen you when you’re rushed. You just need to worry about recycling the souls and getting them into the new people and animals and whatnot. Let me handle the whole processing issue.
LIFE
What’s wrong with the way I process?
DEATH
First of all, you don’t have the proper training. It’s part of my job, not yours. You don’t expect me to know much about recycling and giving out souls, and I don’t expect you to know much about harvesting and processing.
LIFE
I think I do a fair job.
DEATH
When you have time, yes, I’ll give you that. But when you’re in a hurry you get sloppy.
LIFE
It still gets done, doesn’t it?
DEATH
Yes, but not properly. If I were to give you these fresh souls and have you put them in new kids without being processed, they’d remember everything from this past life! If that were to happen enough, then the psychics and fortune tellers would have to go get real jobs. You’ve got to give life some mystery.
LIFE
I think I’m plenty mysterious.
DEATH
I didn’t mean you, specifically. I meant life in general.
LIFE
That defines me just as much as “death in general” defines you.
DEATH
Yeah, I know, but I don’t get that technical about it.
LIFE
(Taking briefcase and opening it)
Just give them to me, and I promise I’ll take as much care as I can in erasing the old memories.
DEATH
There’s more to it than erasing –
LIFE
– Just give them to me!
DEATH
Alright! Sheesh, what a grouch.
