I Wish I Were Eight Again © 1993

I Wish I Were Eight Again
Copyright © 1993 by Edward J. Thomas, all rights reserved

Original Production
By Grosse Pointe Theatre Workshop Program
October 1995
Directed by Ed Thomas

Original Cast
ELSIE – Ruth Rouleau
BEN – Charles List

Original Cast as a Full-Length (Oct-Nov 2003 by Broadway Onstage Live Theatre)
ELSIE – Sharyn Tadolini
BEN – Sal Rubino

SYNOPSIS
Comedy
1 man, 1 woman
A married couple come to New York City to see a world famous psychiatrist, as the husband has been living his second childhood for 10 years. We can tell her patience with him is wearing thin, but what exactly IS his problem?

ELSIE
(Hugging him)
There, there now. It’s alright. If it wasn’t for that hockey puck, you’d still be the same man I fell in love with 25 years ago.

BEN
(Over his sobbing)
But it’s my fault. Stevie and I should have been playing catch with a baseball. Now he hates me.

ELSIE
No, he doesn’t. You were his best friend after you got out of the hospital.

BEN
But he put me in a nursing home.

ELSIE
That doesn’t mean he hates you.

BEN
He was twelve.

ELSIE
You only spent a week there. I convinced everyone that you were fit to come home.

BEN
He still moved out on this eighteenth birthday.

ELSIE
A lot of boys do.

BEN
He moved in with your mother.

ELSIE
Well, he and mother had a good relationship.

BEN
They hardly spoke until then.

ELSIE
Well, he moved out of mother’s a year later.

BEN
To Hawaii.

ELSIE
You see? What has he done with his life? Besides marrying a gorgeous physics major and having a wonderful set of twins, I mean.

(BEN looks at her a moment and then starts crying again. ELSIE rises)

ELSIE (Cont’d)
Well, look. We’re here in New York to help you. Dr. Fitzwater is one of the best psychiatrists in the country. He’ll bring you around.

BEN
Why did we have to wait ten years?

ELSIE
To see the doctor?

BEN
Yeah.

ELSIE
Well, you know. No one else was ever good enough. And remember I had to help my cousins when they were in trouble financially.

BEN
Oh yeah. Jerry and Brad and Eddie.

ELSIE
That’s right.

BEN
How come I’ve never seen any pictures of them?

ELSIE
We were never very close.

BEN
Then why did you give them money?

ELSIE
They’re family.

BEN
I’ve never seen them at family reunions.