I'd Bet My Wife On It © 2002

I'd Bet My Wife On It
Copyright © 2002 by Edward J. Thomas, all rights reserved

Original Production
By Grosse Pointe Theatre Workshop Program
September 2002
Directed by J. Michele Evans

Original Cast
BARRY – Ed Thomas
LISA – Amy M. Kuta
VICTOR – Mike Evans

Original Cast as a Full-Length (Oct-Nov 2003 by Broadway Onstage Live Theatre)
BARRY – Christopher Oakley
LISA – Julie Brock
VICTOR – Demetris Taylor

SYNOPSIS
Comedy
2 men, 1 woman
Lisa believes her boyfriend Barry has brought her to New York on vacation, but he's actually brought her there to propose. But before he can, she reveals her lack of desire to marry, giving him cold feet. In order to decide what to do, he plays a game of poker with a stranger for the ring.

LISA
That was right before I moved to New Mexico.

BARRY
(Gently holding her)
Where I saw you in a bookstore.

LISA
In the Human Sexuality section.

BARRY
What, exactly, were you doing there, anyway?

LISA
(Playfully pushes him)
I was putting books away! I was working, after all. You’re the one who needed help finding something. Or was that just a line?

BARRY
Did you really think I was looking for “The Young Girl’s Guide to Puberty?”

LISA
You might’ve been, you pervert.
(Giggles)

BARRY
Okay, so it was a line. But it worked, didn’t it?

LISA
Hell, no.

BARRY
It didn’t?

LISA
No, what I liked was the way you were stuttering and grasping for a good reason to talk to me. It was cute, in a pathetic kind of way.

BARRY
At least something worked. If not, I’d be here by myself.

LISA
You’d come here alone?

BARRY
Hey, if I spent the money on it, I’m gonna do it!

LISA
How did… and I’m not trying to second-guess you, sweetie, but how did you manage to afford this?

BARRY
(Nervous)
Well, um, you remember my business trip to Las Vegas a few months ago?

LISA
Don’t tell me it wasn’t really a business trip.

BARRY
Oh, no, it was, it was.

LISA
Men who pick up women in the Human Sexuality section in bookstores can find a lot to do in Vegas.

BARRY
No, I didn’t do anything like that. But I did go to a few casinos.

LISA
Barry! I thought you’d given up gambling!

BARRY
I know, I know. I couldn’t help myself.

LISA
I told you before you went how nervous I was that something like this would happen.

BARRY
I know.

LISA
I can’t even describe how disappointed I am in you.

BARRY
I won more than thirty thousand dollars.

LISA
Of course, forgiveness is not impossible.

BARRY
I know I said I wouldn’t gamble anymore, and I’m sorry. But I wanted to make this trip as special as possible, so I built up enough to do just that.

LISA
But thirty thousand dollars? I mean, I’m sure this room cost a pretty penny, but I can’t imagine that it cost that much.

BARRY
Well, no, the rest was for…
(He trails off)

LISA
For what?

BARRY
Other things.

LISA
What other things?

BARRY
It’s a surprise.

LISA
A good surprise?

BARRY
Of course a good surprise.

LISA
You never know. You might’ve bought a new truck for yourself and booked this trip to soften me up.

BARRY
Do you really think I’d do that?

LISA
No, I’m just teasing you.

BARRY
Good.

LISA
Now, where’d you put the luggage?

BARRY
Oh, I didn’t bring it in.
(Crosses to the hall door)
I’m sure they left it all in the hallway for us.

(He opens the door and looks out. He doesn’t see what he’s looking for right away, so he looks around the hallway desperately, gives up and comes all the way back in, closing the door behind him)

BARRY (Cont’d)
Or they didn’t.