Greek to Me
Copyright © 2003 by Edward J. Thomas, all rights reserved
Original Production
By Original Works, Elephant Theater, Hollywood, CA
November 13, 2004
Directed by Jim Jerome
Original Cast
DICTUS LARIMUS – David Harder
TROJAN – Andy Roy
SPARTAN – Scott Weatherby
ATHENIAN – Sean Persaud
SYNOPSIS
Comedy
4 men
The REAL story about the very first Ancient Olympiad.
DICTUS
Look! Is there something you wanted, or can I continue with the ceremony? We’ve got people waiting to be sacrificed back there.
SPARTAN
Yeah, I just wanted a reminder of when the broad jump is.
DICTUS
It’s tomorrow.
TROJAN
You’re in the broad jump?
SPARTAN
Among others. I really enjoy the broad jump, though. I’ve been practicing over and over. Well, until my wife got pissed about all the broads I’ve been jumping.
TROJAN
Uhh…
SPARTAN
Hey, a guy’s gotta get laid, and if the wife’s not putting out, ya gotta find your own.
(With a friendly punch to TROJAN’s shoulder)
Am I right?
TROJAN
Uhh…
SPARTAN
Oh, wait, you wouldn’t know, you baaad boy.
TROJAN
Will you stop that?
SPARTAN
Oh come on! Don’t be so uptight!
TROJAN
I don’t suppose you’re in the pole vault, are you?
SPARTAN
Sure am. Are you?
TROJAN
It’s my best event.
SPARTAN
You’re kidding.
TROJAN
No, I’m not. I’m very good at it.
SPARTAN
Look, I don’t doubt that it’s your favorite, grabbing that big thing and all. But you can’t be good at it. You’re from Troy! There has never been a Trojan that looked good on a pole. Trust me.
TROJAN
If it’s all the same to you, we haven’t trusted anybody since “The Horse Incident.”
SPARTAN
Are you still bitching about that? Come on, it was years ago!
TROJAN
Yes, and it lead to you destroying the city.
SPARTAN
Don’t blame me, I was just following orders. And it wasn’t just us Spartans. It was a coalition. There were soldiers from Athens, from Argos, Odysseus was from Ithaca…
TROJAN
Well, I’m blaming all of you!
(They go at each other, but DICTUS separates them)
DICTUS
Gentlemen, please!
(TROJAN fumbles with his cloth again, and SPARTAN gets a glimpse)
SPARTAN
Whoa, sorry, man.
TROJAN
About what?
SPARTAN
The fact that the gods were not generous to you.
