Fourth
Copyright © 2002 by Edward J. Thomas, all rights reserved
CHARACTERS (In order of appearance):
JED – Male, late 20’s
CARL – Male, early 30’s
DAVID – Male, early-mid 30’s
NATALIE – Female, late 20’s-early 30’s
NIKKI – Female, early 20’s
SYNOPSIS
Comedy
3 men, 2 women
Just another Fourth of July party at Carl's, complete with him coming on to a woman he just met in front of his stripper girlfriend, and Jed wondering if he'll ever meet Miss Right. Not to mention their friend David's depression over a recent breakup, and the girlfriend being more than she seems...
CARL
You’re always dwelling on the past. That’s why you’re always so damn miserable. Look at me. When was the last time you saw me let a breakup bring me down?
JED
That’s different. You’ve never been married, and you certainly have never been in a relationship that lasted six years.
CARL
Six years, six hours, doesn’t matter. She dumps you, you dump her, you move on. You let go. You sail to the next port. You cast out for another one of those fish in the sea you hear about. Or to use another bowling term, you go to the next frame.
JED
Are you done? Or do you have another clever metaphor to tell me I’ve been moping too long?
CARL
That’s it for now. But you get my point? I didn’t grieve when I lost Amy, and I loved her. I didn’t grieve for Cathy, Tracy or Colleen. And then, um… what’s her name…
JED
Jenny?
CARL
Jeniveve! Yes! Thank you. No tears there. Well, not on my part. And Carol, well, that one was doomed from the start. I mean, Carol and Carl? Way too cutesy for me.
JED
And this was all just last month.
CARL
Exactly! I don’t let these things get to me. Once I decide I’ve had enough of a woman…
JED
Or she’s had enough of you…
CARL
Or that. Anyway, once it happens, I say good riddance. Plenty of other women are willing to be with me.
JED
(Sarcastic)
You know, Carl, I’ve always thought you were a true romantic.
CARL
Fuck romance. I’m in it for the sex.
JED
Of course. So who is this latest one, anyway?
CARL
Oh, Vikki! No, wait, Nikki! Nikki’s great! Unbelievable in bed.
JED
Okay, that’s not really what I was asking about.
CARL
Well, alright, um… oh, she’s a dancer.
JED
A dancer? You mean like, a stripper?
CARL
Well, yeah.
JED
She’s, um, not going to do “a show” at the party, is she?
CARL
We can only hope, Jeddy. She’s damn good at what she does. Maybe I can feed her a bunch of beers and talk her into it if you want.
JED
No, really, that’s okay. Don’t do it just for me.
CARL
Well, I might do it just for me.
JED
Whatever. You and I will probably be the only ones who would enjoy it. David’s the only other one coming.
CARL
What about Paul and Tommy?
JED
They’ve each got plans.
CARL
Ah, shit! Okay, forget ‘em. The rest of us will have a great time.
JED
Good to hear. I could use one.
CARL
Of course, they were both supposed to bring food with them. And they were gonna chip in so we could order the fight. Looks like we’re each gonna have to pay a little extra.
JED
What if you don’t want to watch the fight?
CARL
Why wouldn’t I?
JED
Actually, I was referring more to me.
CARL
Oh, well, then you should’ve worded it better.
JED
What the hell were they doing, scheduling a big pay-per-view fight on the Fourth of July? Seems stupid to me.
CARL
No, it’s genius. The majority of America is getting together right now at parties just like this one. And since we’re all together anyway, what better time to hold a pay-per-view than now? And what better way to celebrate America’s birthday than by having a couple of Americans going for the heavyweight belt not in Vegas, not in Atlantic City, but in the heart of Washington D. C.
JED
And beating the shit out of each other.
CARL
Well, yeah, but that’s to be expected. I mean, they are calling it
(Saluting)
Red, White, and Black and Blue.
JED
And so brilliant using the word “and” twice within three words.
