A Knight at the Theater
© 1992 by Edward J. Thomas, all rights reserved
CHARACTERS
Narrator
King Freddie Forradaye
Prince Daniel Forradaye
Prince Lester Forradaye
Sir Coom Frrance of Sirkl
Wanderer
Squire
Princess Princess Forradaye
Count Tootenn
Jester
Sir Tenley Knott
Sowtha Frrance
SYNOPSIS
Farce
8 men, 1 woman, 3 either gender
The kingdom of Pundon’s new Champion-Knight receives his title and saves the day, all before the end of the first act. But “happily ever after” only lasts through intermission, as a new problem arrives that he is responsible for.
NARRATOR
(Looks in book)
You were talking about the Princess' birthday.
KING
Oh, yes. So what are you boys planning to get her?
DANIEL
I thought I'd get her a diamond ring.
LESTER
Didn't you get her one last year?
DANIEL
No, I got her that gold bookcase with the monogrammed shelves.
LESTER
Was that you? I thought one of the knights got her that.
DANIEL
Which one?
LESTER
I thought it was Sir Enade.
DANIEL
Shhh!
(Whispers)
Don't mention Sir Enade in front of Sir Coom! He's the one that tried to win the Princess away from him. We've had to keep them apart ever since.
LESTER
(Whispers)
That's why I thought he got it for her.
COOM
(Gets between them)
Who are you two whispering about?
DANIEL
No one! Nobody!
COOM
You were talking about a knight. Sir En-something. Who was it?
LESTER
Yes! It was... um... Sir Enity. Yes, I thought Sir Enity got her the bookcase, but it was only Daniel, here.
DANIEL
Right! Sir Enity got her that book on philosophy.
COOM
And who is Phil Osophy?
KING
I'd like to know, too. I've never met him.
DANIEL
He's nobody. Forget it.
(COOM sits again)
KING
But I still don't understand.
LESTER
Understand what, Father?
KING
Who got her the ring?
DANIEL
You did, Father.
KING
That was me? Didn't I get her a new horse?
DANIEL
Yes, but that was on her sixteenth birthday.
LESTER
The same day she got her rider's licence.
DANIEL
Yes, yes, but we're supposed to be talking about this year.
KING
Then let's get to it.
DANIEL
I've already said I plan to get her a ring. What about you, Father?
KING
Oh, don't start with me. Choose someone else.
DANIEL
Why?
KING
I'm not very good at these things.
DANIEL
Okay. So what about you, Les?
LESTER
I thought I'd get her some dance lessons. She's always wanted to learn.
KING
Who'd be teaching her?
LESTER
I've already set up ten lessons with Lord Foxtrot.
DANIEL
Isn't he the one who lives over in Fredricksburg?
LESTER
No, Lord Melvin lives in Fredricksburg. Lord Foxtrot lives in Iceburg.
DANIEL
You're going to send her up there? It's freezing in that town!
KING
Lord Foxtrot was always the weird one in the family.
NARRATOR
I won't bother to ask about him.
LESTER
He may be weird, but he knows how to dance.
DANIEL
Well, you've got a point there. Remember, at a family reunion a couple of years ago, how he lit up the floor with all of those fancy moves?
LESTER
It wasn't all him, though.
KING
Who was it, then?
LESTER
I waxed the floor beforehand.
DANIEL
You waxed a stone floor?
LESTER
Maybe my timing was a little off.
DANIEL
Yeah, you should've waited until they invented tile.
